You live like a song inside my head.
All loves are not meant for eternity - I have
lived you, I have inhaled you like
poison till you were nothing but music
and sin.
Goodbyes are harder. I don't want to
hold your hand to the airport, kiss
you off to other people's dreams. I
will steal you away to the untamed heart
of the Bundelkhand, to the red stone
ruins of primitive temples, I will
mix you with earth and ash till your body
blazes like the midland sun.
I will chant your name to the rocks
and thorny crags, till you
are a nascent god.
But now, I have returned
to the town I was born, to the dead
end of the street, the decrepit
house of my parents, the familiar stench
of whiskey and clutter and tuberose and
no love. My days are spent
like a stale newspaper. On wasted, hungover
mornings, I am a caged animal
in pain, when the circus
tents are pulled down. Blinded by thirst, I claw
and claw through this numbness, till
my whole consciousness is only
the bass of your voice, the universe
folds itself into the shape of your
tongue, your words my only
salvation.
I don't even hear the words. It's your
voice that fills my fevered brain
and lulls me to sleep.
I tremble.
I cannot remember how far behind
I lost you, how long ago. These midnights
frighten me. Hold me against
your chest till these hallu-
cinations pass, hush me when my frenzied
words break into terror, terror, I can
take no more. Whisper your name in my
ears, until
faith is reborn.
Live
like a song inside my head.
